Dearest Mama Mary,
I love you. It was an honor being part of your Living Rosary tonight. I was worried about the lightning because I thought that it would rain but how little my faith truly is. I realized tonight that if we only ask, God would give us anything; all we really need is to pray and have faith. It’s that simple? I guess so. I always knew that if we asked you would intercede for us but I guess I never took that knowledge to heart.
I was shaken today by what the priest who celebrated the Holy Mass said. From what I understood, most of what we know is in our heads, we seldom take the time to sort through the things in our head and take them to our hearts. He talked about emotional quotient, and I was amazed by his humility when he admitted that he had low EQ. All this time I thought to myself that I was in touch with you and I just had to make an effort to reconnect with Jesus. But now I realize that the reason why I have so many questions left unanswered and so much anger and resentment is because of this – I lack EQ ... well maybe I am exaggerating. I may have low EQ. I get upset very easily by the smallest things — people ignoring me, especially loved ones, getting scolded by my elders, not getting attention.
All this confusion is caused by lingering resentment and that really struck me to the core of my heart. I know this should be all about your Mama Mary but I have to say this. I am ashamed of my actions and reactions towards your love for me and for all of us and I am truly sorry. I keep avoiding matters of the heart but no matter what I do, no matter how many times I rebuild the walls, no matter how much I shield myself, I have nowhere to go but you our dearest Mother of God. I can never get away from you or Jesus and now I never want to.
All this time I thought that I could just coast through life, praying when I want to, going to confession whenever it was convenient for me, going to mass when I can and when I don’t want to, making up excuses that seem valid at the time. And now I realize that no matter what I do, no matter where I go, you will always be with me Mama Mary. And I am heartily sorry for my sins, for pushing you away, for turning away from you.
So many answered prayers and yet I choose to focus on the unanswered? Isn’t that silly of me? I know I can be really harsh on myself but I also know that love still remains in my heart. And now I say, Let Jesus reign. A thousand welcomes Lord Jesus Christ! I never want to be separated from you again. No more excuses. To Jesus through Mary. And it’s so true. Now my wrists hurt so I’m going to stop. I just have one more thing to say. Thank you Jesus for the cross. Thank you for the Rosary. Thank you for the Blessed Virgin Mary. I surrender Lord Jesus. Fiat. Stabat. Magnificat. Thank You Jesus. Thank you Mama Mary.
Your daughter,
Misty
P.S.
Pictures of our Living Rosary to follow soon. For now, I rest my weary hands in your loving hands Mama Mary. I pray for healing and genuine peace. In the mighty name of Jesus.
